College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
