just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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