Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I intend to get homeless drunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
