I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
