Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
