So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
