If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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