Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
