remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
