apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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