we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
