Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
