I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
