I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
