I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
