It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
