I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
