Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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