just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
