I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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