Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
