Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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