is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
