my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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