I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
