U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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