I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
