my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
