I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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