Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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