just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
