Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
