never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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