Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
