actually, I'm a sock model
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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