The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
two words: eviction party
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
