i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
