Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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