I think I died a long time ago.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
