I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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