So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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