i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
