I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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