At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
