So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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