i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
