Fine. I'll sleep in my office
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
