I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
