Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
