Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
