Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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