Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
