He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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