i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
